Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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