My nipple is on Facebook.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
