well most of my day revolves around power hour
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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