Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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