we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
