i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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