somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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