We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
