it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
