hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
