im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
