Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize