I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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