Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
