I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize