So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
