this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
