Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's shark week go big or go home
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
