Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
