Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
