All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
