and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
