All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
