She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
