I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
