so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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