did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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