I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
