I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
