And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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