dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize