Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
