He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
