I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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