Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
