Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
