The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
