Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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