I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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