either way he was missing a nipple.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
