I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
