Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
