at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
