Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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