Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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