I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Acid is not a monday night drug
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
