Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Alive.
So much puke
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
