i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
