Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
