Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
only if we run a train.
done.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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