I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
FUCK WHALES
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
