he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
