i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
MIDGETS
????
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
