yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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