woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
