I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
