Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
