Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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