You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
