how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
