Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
jump out the window naked night went bad
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
