He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
