Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
