literally had 100 drinks last night.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
