i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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