I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
