My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
