did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
