btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
